Anyone who says forgiveness is easy has never forgiven. Forgiveness is a difficult thing, but is the Christian thing to do. Jesus tells us if a brother sins against us we are to forgive him 70×7 (see Matthew 18:21–22). It is a fancy way of saying there should be no limit to our forgiveness.
There is a lot of pressure put on us to forgive. We pray in the Lord’s Prayer for God to forgive us as we forgive those who sin against us. The implication here is that if we don’t forgive someone for what they have done to us, that God will not forgive our sin.
So now I am hurt by this other person because of what they have done to me. It is further complicated with added guilt I have because I can’t bring myself to forgive them. And now I’m worried that because I can’t forgive them, that God will not forgive me.
Let me offer a suggestion here. Consider if your idea of forgiveness might be misguided. We equate forgiveness with forgetting. These are two similar words, but they are not the same. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting.
Recognize that when we sin there are consequences. These consequences are both physical and spiritual. Sin causes hurt and pain. There is a demand for repentance and reparation.
God did not just overlook our sin. He doesn’t say, “That’s okay, fugget about it” (pardon the Brooklyn accent). There is a cost involved with the forgiveness God offers. The cost was to offer his Son, Jesus, as a sacrifice for that sin. Forgiveness is free but it came at a great price.
Forgiveness in the Spiritual Realm
When it comes to forgiveness, we need to think in two different realms. The first is the spiritual realm. Those who receive God’s forgiveness offered through Jesus, have their sins entirely forgotten in the spiritual realm. For the sake of Jesus, our sins are treated as if they never happened. Spiritually, the consequences are entirely removed.
Consider these Bible Verses:
As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12 (ESV)
For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more. Jeremiah 31:34 (ESV)
I (God) will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more. Hebrews 10:17 (ESV)
Forgiveness in the Physical Realm
In the earthly realm, it is not the same. The consequences of our sins still exist and what is broken may not be repaired. There may still be a great cost and demand for reparation on our part. When David committed adultery with Bathsheba and murdered her husband, God forgave David of his sins. At the same time, it was the undoing of David’s reign and lead to great turmoil in his family.
If a person steals from me, I am not going to say: “That’s okay, you don’t need to pay me back.” I am going to want them to pay me back for what they took from me. We are not going to move forward as if nothing happened. I can love them, but I am not going to extend the same level of trust towards them. I am going to protect myself so they can’t hurt me. I am not going to entrust them with the same level of confidence until they have rebuilt my trust. I am not going to give the abuser the opportunity to abuse me again and run me over like a freight train.
Forgiveness, Repentance, and Reparation
Another thing is that forgiveness is not always demanded to be extended. I can make provision in my heart to forgive everyone no matter what, but that does not mean I extend that forgiveness. I will release the bitterness in my heart and give that to God. But forgiveness is a two-way street.
Consider 1 John 1:8–9:
If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:8–9 (ESV)
If a person sins against you, ask yourself if the other person has acknowledged their sin. Matthew 18 demands that if a person sins against us, we ought to go to them and show them their sin (see Matthew 18:15).
Does the other person acknowledge their sin? Are they repentant of their sin? To be repentant is different than being remorseful. To be remorseful means I am sorry I got caught. To be repentant is to be sorry I sinned.
If a person is repentant, it will naturally lead to reparation. If I am to repentant of my sin, I will want to make it right with those I have offended. The truth of the matter is I may never be able to make it right, but I can do what is in my power. Built into reparation is a willingness to face the consequences of what I have done.
Forgiveness is not so much about a new start and wiping the slate clean. Forgiveness is about second chances. It’s okay when those second chances come with conditions. It is giving the offending party the opportunity to regain and to rebuild trust. It is giving them the opportunity to make right what went wrong.
God’s Justice
In many cases, forgiveness is not appropriate. Yes, you heard me right. There are situations where people are bent on doing you harm. Do not make the need to forgive someone an excuse to allow that person to continue to victimize you and abuse you. To allow that other person to continue to victimize you or anyone else is participation in their sin. We are called to defend others and sometimes that other person is ourself. There is no excuse to allow an abuser to keep abusing.
We are called to fight for defense, but not for revenge. If we truly believe God is who he says he is, there is no need for revenge. There is nothing that is hidden. Nothing that will not be called to account. I don’t need vengeance because God is my avenger. In the end, God does not overlook sin, and all sin will be paid. The question is how is that cost paid.
Questions for Reflection
- Do you believe forgiveness is necessary for every situation?
- What is the cost of your sin that Jesus paid? What are the consequences you still suffer?
- What does reparation mean and why is it necessary?
- Share your comments.
Leave a Reply