So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. James 3:5–6 (ESV)
The tongue is a fire! Yesterday, we heard some powerful illustrations regarding the power of the tongue. Today James writes: the tongue is a fire! These last few weeks we have heard about the wildfires in the America West. These fires are incredibly destructive.
In the same way, the words we use can leave a path of carnage. We would do well to guard our lips. We may control our tongue, but it only takes one slip to create a firestorm. We guard against:
Gossip
Proverbs 18:8 describes gossip is the delicious morsels that go down in the inner part of the body. Gossip is recognized as speaking behind someone’s back. If you cannot say something about a person when they are present, you shouldn’t say it when they are absent. When you gossip, others may be "all ears" around you. But they will likely be very careful with what they say around you.
Insinuation
Insinuation is very similar to gossip. It is to infer something about someone without actually saying it. You may be in a group of people and share to how some people in the group are not dedicated enough the cause. Now while you don't necessarily identify one person, it may be that everyone in the group knows who you are talking about without saying the name. This is insinuation.
Flattery
Flattery is to say something to a person's face that you would never say behind their back. In some ways, it is to be two-faced. It is when your words do not match your opinion. It is buttering people up to get something you want. But ultimately it is taking advantage of them and using them for your purposes.
Criticism
Criticism is the ability always to be able to point out the flaws in others, but rarely – if ever – finding anything good. An example of this might be the teacher who is working with a struggling student. The teacher points out all the student is doing wrong, but can never find anything good. There are times when criticism is helpful, but more often it is hurtful.
Diminishment
Diminishment is a close cousin to criticism, and could even fall under the category of criticism. Diminishment is not so much to speak words of criticism but falls in line with failing to speak words of encouragement. Sometimes the destructive power of our speech is found not so much in what we say. It is found in what we don’t say.
The shortcoming here is when we may think one thing in our heart, but never come out to say it. It is the father who fails to tell his children how proud he is of them. He just assumes they know he loves them. It is the boss who is grateful for his employees, but never expresses his appreciation.
To make matters worse, we may "kid" around and make diminishing comments in jest. While these interactions may seem playful, in the absence of encouragement, they become poison.
Own Your Words
One final thing I want to say is to take responsibility for your words. When you speak words of gossip, innuendo, flattery, criticism, or diminishment – own up to it. Confess it and repent of it.
Another thing is to not live behind the shield anonymity. Anonymity gives us courage to speak hurtful and derogatory things towards others. Anonymity shields us from the consequences of our words and is a coward’s way out. The reason so many hurtful things are said on the internet is because it is easy to be anonymous online. Again, if you can’t say something to someone’s face, you should not say it at all.
As a pastor, I will occasionally get an anonymous letter criticizing a leadership decision. The anonymous letter helps no one. Often the decision was made for good reasons of which the anonymous letter writer is unaware. It only makes the letter writer angry when the thing they want change is not changed. Plus, there is no way to respond to them and share the reasonable explanation for the actions that were taken. It makes me upset that someone is so upset to go to the trouble of writing such a letter, and nothing can be done to respond.
Looking at all these inappropriate use of words, I recognize that it stems from cowardice. God has not called us to live in fear, but courage. Have faith. Be bold! Speak words of hope and unity. Be the voice of Jesus.
Questions for reflection
- What is an example where you have experienced destructive speech?
- Is there a sin of speech you need to confess?
- How do you guard your tongue against speaking hurtful words?
- Share your comments below.
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