We have been talking about dealing with difficult people. We can all relate. We can probably all identify at least one difficult person in our life.
Dealing with difficult people goes back to understanding why they are difficult in the first place. It is understanding what is the motivation behind their difficult demeanor. When we better understand the motivation, we can better respond to overcome the difficult person’s difficulty.
There are certain motivations that are common in life. These motivations exist for people who are difficult and also for people who are not. Consider the following motivations:
People want to know they are important
They want to be valued. They want to know that they matter. They want to know that their work is of consequence.
The question is: can truly value others? Are you willing to be a friend? Are you willing to set aside what you are doing? Are you willing to shuffle your busy schedule? Are you willing to notice someone who is often overlooked?
Is that difficult person in your life being difficult because they want to feel important?
People want to be understood
People do not always express themselves well. Resist the urge of being insulted when they criticize you and carefully listen to what they have to say. You may receive criticism from another person that is unfounded but recognize that even inside the most off base criticism there can be found a nugget of truth.
The other person may not be angry at you. Maybe their criticism is a desire to be heard. They may feel as if no one ever listens to them. They may feel as if no one ever cares what they have to say. You taking the time to listen may make an incredible difference.
Is that difficult person in your life being difficult because they want to be heard?
People want to be appreciated
Appreciation is not the same as flattery. Appreciation is sincere. Flattery is insincere. Flattery is telling another person what you think they want to hear to get from them what you want. Flattery is not about the other person. It is about you. Appreciation is selfless.
Many of us spend 95% of the time thinking about ourselves. We have a difficult time coming up with true words of appreciation because we are always thinking about ourselves. Imagine if we took a little less time appreciating ourselves and used it to appreciate others.
Is that difficult person in your life being difficult because they feel unappreciated?
What God does for you
We recognize that this is what God does for us. He values each and every one of us. He listens to our prayers. He appreciates our efforts to serve him and worship him. We are precious and valuable to him. We are so valuable to him that he sent Jesus to die for us.
When we value another person for who they are, we are serving as a representative of God. In a rough and tumble world where most people make it all about themselves, the person who values others will stand out. When we value others, seek to understand them, and appreciate them – it goes a long way to taking the edge off a difficult person’s demeanor.
Questions for Reflection
- What are some ways to show that you value another person?
- How do you help someone understand they are important and valuable?
- Who do you need to hear out or show appreciation?
- Share your comments.
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