Archives For Family

Anniversary Reflections

admin —  June 25, 2012 — Leave a comment

Yesterday, Barbara and I celebrated 12 years of marriage. It was a sweet day. It was extra special this year because it fell on a Sunday, the Lord’s Day!

The morning began with worship at Lord of Life. My parents came by in the afternoon to watch the kids while we went out for an anniversary dinner.

On the way home we witnessed a near fatal car accident. It was a stark reminder of just how precious life is. Combined with the celebration of our anniversary, I wanted to hug everyone just a little bit tighter and savor every moment. Each day we have with our loved ones is a gift from God.

An anniversary is also an opportunity to reflect upon the priority you give marriage. Do you give your marriage the priority it deserves?

Recently, I read an interview of Rick Warren, Pastor of Saddleback Church and author of the Purpose Driven Life. In this interview he shares:

Establishing spiritual habits in your marriage dramatically increases your success rate. One large nationwide study discovered that when a couple develops three spiritual habits: 1) attending church weekly together 2) praying together and 3) reading the Bible together, the divorce rate drops to only one out of 1,105 marriages.

What a contrast with the often quoted divorce rate of 50%. Yesterday, CNN had an article on how the divorce rate among boomers has doubled. We are told the divorce rate among Christians is the same as among non-Christians. The state of marriage is not good.

But, it seems God knows what he is doing. Being married in a church does not constitute a Christ-centered marriage. One can be “Christian” and yet not have given their marriage over to Christ. Yet, when we dig beneath the surface we can see that when Christ is at the heart of the marriage it makes all the difference in the world.

It’s been a great 12 years together with Barbara. I am looking forward to sharing many more years ahead. But if I have anything I would do differently, the first thing that stands out is that I would trust God more with our marriage and commit in a greater way to the disciplines of Scripture and prayer.

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Father’s Day Message

admin —  June 18, 2012 — Leave a comment

I was on vacation the past two weeks, but it is good to be back now. Sorry we have not posted for the last few weeks. We will make sure to regularly post as we begin the new message series on Revelation staring Sunday, June 24.

Thanks to Don Martens and Jason Fair who filled in for me while I was gone. This week I am posting Jason’s message from Father’s Day. Enjoy!

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It’s about the relationship

admin —  October 26, 2011 — Leave a comment

It’s all about the relationships! Relationships bring us our greatest joys. They also bring us our greatest challenges. The more intimate the relationship the greater the joys and the greater the challenges.

That is why it is sometimes easier to get along with a perfect stranger than it is to get along with a family member. But the relationship with the stranger is never going to bring the satisfaction the relationship with the family member or close friend will bring.

A healthy relationship will have conflict and tension. If there is no conflict in a relationship, that may be a sign of trouble. It may signal that communication is not taking place. It may show that instead of becoming a deeper and more intimate relationship, the relationship is becoming more and more superficial.

Relationships are hard. That is why some shy away from deep relationships. We want the joys that come with a deep and enduring relationship, but we don’t want the pain. It is easier to hop from one marriage to the next, one friendship to the next, or one church to the next. But we never go deep. We have people around us, but we are living in isolation of others. We don’t want to get too close out of fear of what may be revealed in us or in the other person.

God created us for relationships. Without deep and intimate relationships there will be something missing in your life. Yes, it takes time. It takes effort. There may be pain, but it is so worth it. That is why part of our vision at Lord of Life is to connect people with each other. We want everything for you, that God wants for you.

Another thing about relationships is Jesus wants a relationship with you. This is the most important relationship. He wants you to know him and to be known by him.

Many in this world don’t really want a relationship with Jesus. They would rather have a checklist. Give me 5 things to do that I can check off to make sure I am right with God and leave it at that. Go to church, pray a prayer, volunteer to serve a meal at the soup kitchen, give an offering for a missionary, and help out as an usher from time to time. That is five easy things I can do. But it doesn’t necessarily mean I have a relationship with Jesus.

We can have religion without a relationship, but this is not a good thing. Religion is about doing for God the bare minimum that is necessary. It is like being an employee of a large corporation. There is no relationship with the CEO. The orders come down from on top for us to follow. But that is not what God desires. We wants to know you as family and friend. Jesus doesn’t say “do what I tell you.” He says, “come follow me.”

The Apostle Paul puts it well when he talks about the type of relationship he desires to have with Jesus:

Philippians 3:8 (NLT) 8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ.

He goes on to say:

Philippians 3:10–11 (NLT) 10 I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, 11 so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!

I want to know Jesus in this way. Jesus wants to know you in this way. Jesus wants the relationship with you because he want more for you. And that is why the primary emphasis of our vision at Lord of Life is to connect people with Jesus. There is nothing greater we could do that to point ourselves and others to Him.

So as I leave you this week, I would like you to consider just one thing you can do that will better connect you with Jesus or another person. And don’t wait. Do it now! Go deep. Experience all God wants for you.

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Dealing with Difficult People

admin —  October 24, 2011 — Leave a comment

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The story of David and Absalom is a tragic story. It is a story that ends badly. Unfortunately, there are difficult situations which arise when we deal with the people. People can be difficult. Oftentimes the most difficult people to deal with are the people in our own family. We know these people the best. We know the good better than anyone else. We also know the bad better than anyone else.

In this message we discuss how to deal with difficult people as we learn from the story of David and Absalom. Our reading for the day is 2 Samuel 15:1-12.

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Daily David, Week 8, Day 2

admin —  October 18, 2011 — Leave a comment

David’s family is in turmoil. A daughter has been raped by her brother. Then that brother was killed by another brother. The brother who killed his other brother then flees in exile. The situation is nothing short of a mess. David is left to pick up the pieces. However, instead of doing something about all of this, David does nothing. That is where we pick up the story in 2 Samuel 14.

Whose best interest is Joab serving? Absalom? David? Himself (14:1-3)?

The text reads that Joab realized how much the king longed to see Absalom. He is seems to be serving the kings interest. But at the same time Joab realizes that what is best for David is also best for Joab.

Even though the woman was deceptive towards David, why does avoid still concede (15:19-21)?

David knew she was right. She had exposed David’s hypocrisy.

Why is the reconciliation between David and Absalom not a full reconciliation (14:23-24)? Why do you think David did not allow Absalom back into his house?

Even though Absalom came back to Jerusalem, he did not see the king. David did not allow Absalom into his presence. A full reconciliation would have brought them together.

We might say that Absalom had to set a fire under Joab to get his attention (14:28-32). Why is it difficult to respond to the needs of others or for them to get our attention?

Most of the time we are focused on self. We don’t see the need or the hurt in others because we are too preoccupied with our own hurt and need.

Do you have disputes in your family? How might you be a catalyst to bring restoration and reconciliation?

Every family has disputes. We can simply wait around for others to say they are sorry, but we are going to wait for a long time. God did not wait for us to make peace with him, rather he sent Jesus to make peace with us. Jesus said blessed are the peace-makers. As followers of Jesus our calling is to be the ones to make the first step to make peace.

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Daily David, Week 8, Day 1

admin —  October 17, 2011 — Leave a comment

Welcome to week 8 of our David study. Today’s reading is 2 Samuel 13.

Who is the mother to Amnon (2 Samuel 3:2)? Who is the mother to Absalom and Tamar (2 Samuel 3:2)? Who was first in line for the throne?

Amnon was the eldest son of David. His mother was Ahinoam of Jezreel. This made Amnon first in line for the throne after David died. Absalom and Tamar’s mother was Maacah who was a princess, the daughter of Talmai, king of Geshur. David had likely married Maacah to form a political alliance.

What is David’s response to Amnon’s misdeed (13:21)? What is missing about David’s response? How are the sins of the father visited upon his children?

It says that David was angry. However, David curiously takes no action. There is bitterness that rises up in David’s family and now David fails to address it. We can point back at the story of David and Bathsheba. David had committed a sexual sin. Now his son does the same. David likely felt guilty about his sin. He fails to confront his son on this matter. I wonder if he failed to confront his son because he did not want to look like a hypocrite.

When the prophet Nathan confronted David about David’s sin with Bathsheba, Nathan told a parable of a rich man who stole a poor man’s sheep. David demanded the rich man must pay the poor man with four sheep for his sin. What happens to David’s sheep (children) in this story?

David would have his daughter raped. His son Amnon would be murdered. Later on Absalom would be killed by Joab. David’s family is in crisis.

David was a great military leader and politician. Where is David’s leadership lacking

His leadership is lacking in his own family. There is a reason that the Apostle Paul says a leader should be the husband of but one wife. David had married many women. He might have been able to manage the kingdom brilliantly. But his family was an overwhelming task. David had taken on more than he could handle to be a good father and husband.

If you were David, how might you have responded differently?

I am not sure I can say I would have responded differently. I am not in David’s shoes. It is always easy to think we know how we would have responded in the situation before we get in the situation. I would like to believe that I would have been assertive and have properly disciplined my children.

When our children stumble, what is our role as parents?

Our role is to speak the truth in love. Our role is to properly discipline our children so that they learn responsibility and right from wrong. There is a temptation to become our children’s best friends. But we are not their best friends. We are their parents. We look to guide them and mentor them to be godly adults.

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